


Guilt, Love, and Other Horrible Emotions

by IndieOnFire



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: """""but they dont love each other its just pretend"""""", And they're Steve's cousins, Janet and Kate are sisters, M/M, Steve and Bucky pretend to be engaged, idk dont judge me, lol we all know how this goes down
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-06-17
Updated: 2016-06-25
Packaged: 2018-07-15 16:59:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,849
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7230946
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/IndieOnFire/pseuds/IndieOnFire
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Steve is an asshole for asking Bucky to be his fake fiance and Bucky is a sucker for saying yes. But, now that they're pretending to be engaged, Bucky is holding nothing back: flowers, love notes, PDA, the works. </p><p>And, for the record, if they both die from the emotional stress -- it's all Steve's fault.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue

This was a terrible idea. This was probably the worst idea Bucky had ever heard from Steve and Steve has had a lot of bad ideas; ‘bad ideas’ meaning stupid things Steve had done with only the best intentions in mind but had nonetheless ended very badly. At the current moment, Steve’s good intentions involved sparing his family’s feelings. More specifically, sparing them from the truth that he had been lying to them for the past 6 months when he told them he was seeing someone.

“It didn’t start out as a lie,” Steve informed Bucky hurriedly, while Bucky fixed him with his most impressive Steve-you-fucking-dumbass look. “I told them I was seeing someone when me and Sharon started dating and I just… Didn’t have the heart to tell them when it ended.” Steve pauses, his eyes taking on that forlorn puppy look that never fails to tug at Bucky’s heartstrings. “Mom was so excited for me, Buck. I didn’t want to let her down.”

Goddammit. There he went again, turning Bucky’s stomach to mush and making him absolutely incapable of denying Steve anything. However, Bucky’s pride denied him the luxury of simply accepting defeat and giving up without a fight. “Don’t you think they’re going to be a little suspicious when they find out that your ‘girlfriend’ is actually, you know. A guy.”

Steve let out a nervous laugh and rubbed the back of his neck, moving to lean against Bucky’s desk. “Fiance, actually.”

Bucky just stared at him, definitely taking notice of the way Steve was staring anywhere but at him. “What’s that?”

“I sort of told them I was engaged.”

“Steve.”

Steve cringed a little. “I needed a way to get them off my back and it just sort of...slipped out.”

“Steve.”

“I know, I know,” Steve sighed. “It was stupid. Because now they want to fly down here to meet my ‘fiance.’”

“Steve, oh my god,” Bucky groaned, thunking his head back against the wall from where he was sitting on his bed.

“I know it’s a lot to ask but…” Steve fixed those crystal blue goddamn anime girl eyes on Bucky and his knees went weak, despite the fact that he was sitting down. “I need to you to pretend to be my fiance.”

“I already told you: no.”

“Please, Bucky? It’s only for, like, two weeks.”

“I’d like to revise my earlier statement to hell no.”

Steve sighed and ran a hand through his hair. “I need your help, Buck. When do I ever actually ask you for help?”

“Literally all the time.”

“Alright, fine.” He lets out a short huff. “Look, you do this for me and I’ll owe you one. Anything you want.”

Bucky sighed, mentally cursing his inability to say no to Steve. He knew pretending to be Steve’s fiance would be absolute torture, considering that his feelings for Steve were anything but fake. 

“Can’t you find someone else to do it?” he asked in a last ditch effort to get out of this inevitable trainwreck. “Like someone who’s, I dunno, the right gender?”

“I’ve… thought about that actually,” Steve said. “And, really, this is the option that makes the most sense.”

“How?”

“Because -- well, we already live together, right?”

Bucky crossed his arms over his chest, trying to follow Steve’s logic. “Right…”

“So it makes more sense for me to be engaged to someone I’m living with rather than someone else. Plus, we’ve known each other for so long and…” Steve trailed off, the clearly complicated emotions on his face unreadable. “Besides, it will explain why I haven’t let my family meet ‘her’ yet.”

“Christ, Steve,” Bucky responded, giving him an incredulous look. “You’re in way too fucking deep.” Wrong. Bucky’s the one who’s in way too deep.

Steve passed a hand over his face, and he looked so damn stressed and tired that Bucky couldn’t help but feel a throb of pity for the stupid man. “You know I wouldn’t ask you to do this if I didn’t have to,” Steve spoke up quietly. 

“Yeah, I know,” Bucky answered in a murmur, staring down at the bed. After a moment, his eyes glanced up to meet Steve’s. He already knew he was going to give in and help Steve because he’s a big fucking softie and Steve is impossible to say no to. He knew he might as well just throw in the towel and accept his fate. “And you know I’ll help you if you really need it.”

Steve’s face broke into a small, relieved grin and if Bucky hadn’t already made up his mind, that damn smile would have sealed the deal. “You will?”

“Yeah,” he answered, “but if we’re going to do this, we’re doing it right.”

“Of course we will.” Steve nodded. “So you’re in?”

Bucky drew in a deep breath, once again astounded by what he was willing to do for his best friend. “I’m in.”

“Good. Because they’re going to be here in a week .”


	2. Guilt

“Hello?” Sarah Rogers’ voice sounded as soft and sweet as ever, even over the phone.

“Hey, mom,” Steve greeted, his stomach a bundle of nerves. Regardless of whether or not his relationship with Bucky was real, the outcome of the conversation he was about to have was important to him for a reason he couldn’t quite explain.

“Hi, sweetheart,” Sarah answered. “How’ve you been?”

“I’ve been good.” Steve absently pushed a piece of paper around on his desk, unable to sit still.

“I can’t wait to meet your new fiance,” Sarah said, and Steve imagined she was going dishes, a scrub brush in one hand, a plate in the other, and the phone crammed between her ear and shoulder. “I can’t believe I haven’t met them yet.”

Steve hesitated for a moment. “What if I told you you had?”

Sarah didn’t miss a beat. “It’s not that Sharon girl, is it?”

Steve’s stomach twisted a little at the mention of his sort-of ex. “No,” he responded letting out a quiet, uneasy laugh. “No… What’s wrong with Sharon?”

“Nothing, of course,” Sarah hummed. “Sharon is darling,” Steve continued fiddling with the paper on his desk. “Anyway,” she continued and this time Steve really could hear dishes clanking in the background, “are you ever going to tell me who this person actually is? You’ve been awfully mysterious about this whole thing. I’m starting to be concerned.”

“You don’t need to be concerned, mom, but, uh… ‘She’ is actually a ‘he.’ It’s, uh, my roommate,” Steve said cautiously, waiting with baited breath to see how she would respond. “Bucky.”

There was a slight pause on the other line. “Bucky?” she repeated.

“Yeah. Bucky.”

“Oh. Hmm.” Her answer came out contemplative rather than shocked or upset or anything of that nature. “Well, I did always wonder about you two.”

Now it was Steve’s turn to pause, his hand stilling from where he’d been pushing the paper around. “You did?”

“Sure,” Sarah responded, her voice as light and calm as ever. “You two did always have a… certain dynamic, I guess you could say, and you already told me you liked boys as well as girls...” She trailed off for a moment. “Steve?”

“Yeah?”

“Is this why you never told me about your fiance?”

“I…” A pang of guilt tugged at Steve’s stomach. “I guess so, yeah. You’re not upset?”

“Of course not, sweetheart.”

He let out a small breath of relief. “Do you think Aunt Jean will mind?”

“She won’t,” Sarah answered promptly, leaving no room for doubt on the matter. “Your cousin Janet is coming with us, by the way,” she added. “Oh, and Kate.”

Steve’s brow furrows. “Kate’s coming?” He hadn’t expected that. “Why?”

“Because, and I quote, she thought it would be ‘hilarious.’”

Steve snorts.

“I love that girl,” Sarah continues, “but I don’t understand her.”

“Who does?” He clears his throat. “Hey, listen, mom, I gotta go, but I’ll talk to you soon, okay?”

“Okay, sweetheart. Love you.”

“Love you too, mom.”

Steve hung up the phone, feeling guilty for the lies, but at the same time relieved that his mother had taken it so well. Even if it all was just a sham.

For about the hundredth time all ready, Steve found himself asking: _what the fucking fresh hell am I doing?_

 

* * *

 

Steve and Bucky had met their freshman year of college through Steve’s cousin, Kate, who was best friends with Clint Barton who was dating Bucky’s best friend, Natasha. It’s a long story, but the short version is that Steve and Bucky had both ended up being dragged to the same barbecue; they’d hit it off immediately and, well, the rest his history. From that moment on, Steve became an irreplaceable fixture in Bucky’s life. They were attached at the hip; anywhere Steve went, Bucky went; any trouble Steve got himself into, Bucky was right there beside him.

After two years of living in the dorms, they were both working at the same gym and had finally gotten an apartment of their own. It was small -- two bedrooms, one bath -- and it was, as Bucky lovingly called it, a ‘run down shit shack.’ Still, it was nice to have a place all to themselves, even if their upstairs neighbors liked to have loud sex at three in the morning and the water in the shower occasionally came out brown.

As roommates, Steve and Bucky got along fabulously. Sure, they bickered occasionally (read: all the time), but, for the most part, they were the best of friends -- which was nice and all except for the little fact that Bucky was horribly, desperately in love with Steve. That was a realization he’d come to about midway through his second year in college and the primary reason why he predicted being Steve’s fake fiance was going to be a nonstop emotional hell ride.

The real hell ride, however, had been getting ready for Steve’s family to come stay with them. They had to put on the appearance of being together for six months which was, apparently, much more of a task than either Steve or Bucky had predicted. First was the basic process of moving all of Bucky’s shit to Steve’s room so that they could put on the appearance of being a Real And In Love Couple. They’d even considered going to a pawn shop to get some decent looking rings but had opted instead to be one of those couples that are too cool (read: too poor) to get engagement rings.

After that, they’d come up with their backstory which was your typical ‘best-friends-who-moved-in-together-and-accidentally-fell-in-love’ shit. Which, really, was only half a lie since it was true on Bucky’s part.

Luckily for Bucky, however, he had been working when Steve’s family’s flight had come in. That meant he got to miss the awkward part of picking the family up from the airport and the awkward car ride home in which Steve’s cousin Janet would fill every awkward silence with inane chatter. But, it also meant that he would have to awkwardly walk in the door when everyone was already inside and they would all stop talking and awkwardly stare at him and -- yeah, you know what, not gonna think about that.

Anyway, Bucky had decided from the second he signed on to this trainwreck that he was going to make the most of this opportunity and that he was going to play his part perfectly. Because he was an amazing best friend. (And also because messing with Steve was really fun.) (And definitely not because Bucky was madly in love with him)

These thoughts were what led him to be standing outside his and Steve’s apartment door, one hand on the doorknob, and the other carrying a bouquet of flowers. He drew in a deep breath, preparing himself for the two week long shit show that was going to start as soon as he opened the door, and turned the knob.

He walked in and, as he predicted, everyone went silent the minute he opened the door. Everyone was looking at him and, meanwhile, he was just standing there, saying nothing and holding a bouquet of flowers like a jackass. Then he said to himself, _you know what? I’m going to own the fuck out of this._ He straightened himself up after his brief moment of uncertainty, walked deliberately over to Steve, and placed a wet kiss on his cheek, handing him the flowers. There was a tinge of red on Steve’s ears that Bucky glimpsed as he turned and crossed over to Sarah, greeting her with a charming smile.

“Ms. Rogers, always a pleasure,” he said, extending a hand.

“Oh, Bucky,” Sarah replied, rejecting the hand and opting to pull him in for a hug instead. “You don’t need to be so formal. You’re practically family already.” She pulled away and held him at arm’s length. “And it’s Sarah to you,” she told him, giving his arm a pat before letting him go and gesturing to the woman next to her. “I don’t think you’ve met my sister, Jean.”

“No, I haven’t” Bucky answered, reaching out to shake the woman’s hand. “Pleasure.” Jean’s soft hand gave Bucky’s firmer one a limp, disinterested shake before retreating back to her side while her eyes scanned over him with no small amount of scrutiny.

Aunt Jean was a short, heavy set woman with short, chestnut brown hair, gray eyes, and full, pink lips that often wore a frank, jolly smile but were now drawn into a taut, critical line. She looked the exact opposite of Sarah who was petite and blonde and welcoming at all times.

“Good to finally meet you, Bucky,” Jean said, not unkindly, but not in an overly friendly way either. “Steve’s talked a lot about you.” That admission took Bucky by surprise. It was hard to imagine Steve talking to his family about him. He didn’t have time to answer, however, as Jean immediately turned and gestured to a much younger girl, with Jean’s same hair and eye color, standing on her right. “This is my youngest daughter, Janet, and Kate--” she motioned towards the dark haired girl, Kate, who was sprawled across the couch “--you’ve already met.”

Kate looked up from her phone and flashed him a peace sign. “Sup, Bucky.”

Bucky gave her a small nod in return. “Hey, Kate.”

“I see you’ve wasted no time in making yourself comfortable,” Jean commented shrewishly.

“Yup,” came Kate’s concise reply, her eyes already trained back on her phone.

Jean scowled but had no time to answer as Steve jumped in instead. “Hey, Buck,” he said, stepping forward. “We were thinking we’d all go out to dinner--”

“To celebrate!” Janet exclaimed, cutting him short.

Steve acknowledged this outburst with a flicker of a smile and a nod before turning back to Bucky. “Yeah, that. We thought we’d leave in a few minutes if you want to go get ready?”

“Sure thing, babe,” Bucky replied and tried not to grin too much as Steve’s ears tinged pink again. He looked back to Steve’s family, charming smile perfectly in place. “If you all will excuse me.”  
With that, he made his way to Steve’s room that they were temporarily sharing but not before he heard Jean say “Well, he _seems_ nice enough.”

 

* * *

 

Dinner went surprisingly well. Kate only got in one fight with her mom which Steve quickly shut down by launching into a rant about how tired he gets of people putting down other people at the gym he and Bucky work at. For some goddamn reason, that rant, as insignificant as it may have seemed, got Bucky’s heart racing. The way Steve was so passionate about helping and supporting everyone, the way his eyes lit up whenever he spoke about anything he was passionate about: it made Bucky realize just how in love with him he was and how he really just wanted to kiss the shit out of him.

His first instinct was to bottle those emotions up, saying to himself, no shit I can’t look at him like that, people will think I’m in love with him. Then he remembered he could look at Steve like that and it didn’t matter if people thought he was in love with; they were supposed to think that. It was at that moment that Bucky realized how liberating the next two weeks could be. For once in his life, he wouldn’t have to hide how much he was in love with Steve. In fact, he could even play it up if he wanted.

So he did. For the rest of dinner, he leaned forward in his seat and watched Steve with abject adoration and occasionally a small, love-stricken smile. Not having to conceal his feelings was fun in and of itself but the way Steve kept looking over at him, as if he were surprised that Bucky was playing his part so well, made it all worth it.

_Hey_ , he thought, _maybe this won’t be so bad after all._

But, oh, how fucking wrong he was.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heya! So I just want to let you all know that this fanfic is mostly a fun side project for me as I am also currently working on a much larger, more in depth fanfic as well. I am still really excited for this fic (and I hope you are too) so that just means that updates will probably be a little sporadic. 
> 
> Thanks for reading!


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